AnnikaDonauer Blog

Since I´m back from Spain I´m awful in writing my blog, the most of you will know anyway what happened more or less, first I´ve been to Turin to visit Matteo. Beside that going there was my worst travelling day ever it was good, Turin is actually really nice and better then I´ve imagined it. We had our own apartment which was great and really close to the city center. And we had a lot of Pizza, well Matteo told me before that it would be sure better than in Germany but to be honest, if you go here to a good Italian restaurant (run by Italians not by Turkish people) you get quite the same quality. But the ice cream really amazed me, I´m not such a big fan of ice cream and eat it seldom, but the one in Italy was really good, I could change my mind over ice cream – especially pistachio because it really tasted like pistachio and not like sugar with aroma. Well the ice cream thing was good in general. I met a lot of Matteos friends and was really happy that they all spoke English, because I was afraid that I could talk to no one – even if I understood quite a lot Italian. Weird language, I tell you guys. We´ve been out of course too, which let me discover that Italy is for sure the country with the most disgusting drinks in the world, I actually haven´t drunken much but the next day I felt really bad.
I enjoyed the time in Italy and I hope I will be there again to see more of it.
Well after being in Italy Matteo and me talked about what is going on now and I discovered that he more or less considered us as a couple without me knowing that, well either way I was really happy about that because I hated being in an unclear situation and it made me often sleepless and a bit angry, since then I´m a bit more in balance again and hadn´t any problem with sleeping.
The next event was that Ulli and me went together to the fiesta de pilar in Zaragoza Juchhhuuu back to Zaragoza! It was really good to come back again, I missed that city! The first day we arrived Ulli and me were running around with the biggest smiles on our faces and nothing could erase it, and in good old Zaragoza-Erasmus manner we started drinking at two o´clock and didn´t stop till 3 am ! Ulli und me started directly in some bars near the Pilar, we just wanted to go out for a short while…like every time for just one beer! Well at about twelve Javier and Matteo came both to us in the Bull mc cabes were we´ve been drinking with some random guys. The days in Zaragoza were amazing! First I was happy because I could stay the whole time at Matteos place and I wasn´t sure if we would be able to see each other a lot. And the time flow was kind of completely disturbed, first everyone (except of me) wanted to sleep so long – BORING! I spend a lot time in bed but just during the day, we had often breakfast at 16 or 18.00 and once we needed from the parquet grande to the plaza de pilar from about 6 hours or even more. Spain is like falling into glue, glue with red wine taste or something – everything slows down a lot and you start drinking wine for breakfast.
But I was happy to be in Spain, to see a lot of places again – I really wanted to go to the parque grande again and I almost would have missed that, well but I was there at 4 in the night. I really appreciated to see Ulli for some time, I missed her a lot and I missed the rest of our group from Erasmus too!
I would have like to stay even a bit longer but I needed to go back to reality, I don´t like reality too much.
Well since I got my period I´m in a strange mood, first I was in pain the whole day and missed to buy painkillers but I was so emotional today, it´s awful. I hate that why do hormons make me so crazy? I already cried in the most stupid situations. Someone actually put a magazine on my doorstep and the headliner is about far distance- relationships ( who was that by the way???). I read that today which wasn´t a good idea, because it made me crazy. It made me think over every aspect of that like the development, possible or impossible future and and and….to sum it up it was a very bad idea because I feel so unsecure about that now.
Well and now to avoid thinking about the topic further I will dedicate myself to read physiology..

Yesterday I´ve been on the Anti-Nazi Demonstration in Hannover, it was quite good. The demonstration was because originally they wanted to have one on the first of May but, they didn´t get the permission, that´s why they made one now.I´m eager to see the newspaper of today, as far as I got it everything was quite peaceful. The Nazis were meeting right at the Braunschweiger Platz and marched through the Südstadt, the people living there threw colored confetti and heart-shaped balloons. I thought that is really funny, it´s like they are kind of demons which can´t stand love and will crumble into ashes if someone hugs them! So near my house were a lot of Nazis and what annoyed me the most, was that friends of Lisa out of our house stayed here to join the demonstration, as I walked out of my apartment I stood in front of the black block and one guy had a club in his hand. Apparently they´ve been later in the Tiho and threw smoke bombs. Thank you, you dumb assholes not that there are thousands of animals which surely did not appreciate that. Well the police followed them and they hid in our house, thanks again for the good reputation of our house now, because that was the first time the police had to come to our house for that reason, even if almost everyone from us was on the demonstration - but peacefully.
I guess that will have consequences on the next HVV and the persons will be forbidden here.
First I thought there aren´t many persons on the left side demonstration but in the end we´ve been 3500 against 300 righties. I watched some time their demonstration and it appeared so poor, because there was this NPD car on the Braunschweiger Platz, which played music (ich bin geboren in der BRD, ich hasse dieses System hahahahah) and there were just some evil looking guys standing around but on the big place they seemed so lost...
Well, so far so good, I will put up some pictures, especially the two small girls were so sweet with their banner!
And by the way the "Front Deutscher Äpfel" was there too, I really like them! I think it´s important too, to ensure that fruits should be strictly german, NO FRUITS FROM THE SOUTH! ahahhahah
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_Deutscher_%C3%84pfel (englisch)
http://de.wikipedia.org/wiki/Front_Deutscher_%C3%84pfel (deutsch)

Well, this time I´m not ranting! I´m quite satisfied with everything, I mean I could actually learn a bit more, but I don´t have pressure to do it.
I started a new job - care taking of old people- till now I only worked in the morning, but we are preparing food, shower and wash them. Some of the old people are so sweet I could hug them everyday and some others are totally like you imagine old grumpy people! But well I need money and I think it´s better than being a waitress. A lot of my friends said they couldn´t change diapers or shower them but I actually don´t feel uncomfortable about it. I would feel more uncomfortable if I would need to watch the Talk shows on Pro7 or Big brother, I think that would torture me more.
I run a lot lately even if the last 3 days haven´t been good, first I sprained my ankle and it still hurts and I don´t want to overstrain it and I´m just not so motivated, maybe I give myself some break to recover. That is maybe not the worst idea because I´m constantly tired.
And I read a lot, for all the vetis I bought the Silbernagel for getting better in Physiology, I missed so much and the book is quite good, ok I mean in comparison to the Breves everything is better!
And I read Walter moers- Die 13 1/2 Leben des Käpt´n Blaubärs, Die Fleischmafia (I have to write over this book but not today) and John Irving- Until I find you.
I don´t feel so unsure anymore and don´t worry too much at the moment, I´m quite happy!
Two days ago something happened to me what normally just happens in movies, because I was walking to the city center and got into a conversation with some random guy and he invited me to lunch. Sounds like a bad movie or? I was really surprised too!
Well I guess I don´t have to tell anything more, in two weeks I´m in Turin, I look forward to that!

Well, my live at the moment is swaying a bit between euphoria and depressions, well ok not real depressions, but you know what I mean. I just don´t know what to do with my life and with my study, at the moment sometimes I really think about the clinic stuff. That never happened before, I think it´s just because I´m confused.
And I took some time off to get better with myself but at the moment that kind of doesn´t work too good, I´m awake really often at night, thinking thousands of things over. I hate staying up at night the whole time to worry, I wished I had some company for that time.
Beside of my problem with my study, I´m still worrying about money and my "whatever-thing" with Matteo, somehow that depresses me a lot and I´m out of no reason angry and sometimes I´m happy.
I´m actually satisfied with myself that I keep the most of my thoughts inside and don´t talk too much to people if I am not feeling good. At least I learned to keep shut with my most gloomy thoughts and don´t bother someone with it directly, even if I sometimes feel like it. But I think it´s better that way, because some things you have to deal with yourself and no one can help you anyway.
God that does sound like crap and it is, but I´m sorry I feel quite sad and unsure the last days. And sometimes I feel I don´t have enough distance between me and other people, because I´m so easily offended or hurt. Maybe it´s just because I´m a little girl the last days. Anyway I justed wanted to rant a bit. In conclusion: I don´t feel good!

Well, ok everyone who is in a good mood and don´t want to listen to a girl crying about being bored and out of place should stop reading now. Because that is exactly what I´m going to do for the whole entry!
Hannover somehow makes me feel extremely bored and out of place, I don´t know, I just have no clue what I should do all the day. The people I know here are studying and not really active. I would like to go out swimming, running or go to the flea market and in the evening I want to go to some clubs I´ve never been just to see if you find some nice new persons. But the most of my friends are not really going out in the evening or they are not in for party. I mean I can get it that not everyone likes to go out constantly, but in the moment I feel like doing it and almost no one joins me.So I´m sitting at home in the evening and just don´t know what to do, at least I can go running in the night, but still I feel like meeting up with someone. The problem is the most of my friends are in a relationship and they do some relationship stuff in the evening and the persons who are not in a relationship are living a bit far away.
Either I have to find new people, what hopefully will happen soon, because I´m joining green desert the next week or I have to get myself a boyfriend just to be not bored anymore.
I think I´m still spoiled with Zaragoza and Erasmus life, meeting people everyday and spending the whole day with friends was awesome. Of course in normal life that is not possible, I studied this morning and I will continue soon, but at least at the evening I would like to meet someone for hanging out. Maybe I just go to the Maschseefestival alone and see what will happen.
Matteo was here last weekend, which was good, it was really nice seeing him again and we´ve been to Hamburg, I´ve finally been on the Dom in Hamburg and it was Christopher Street Day too. We´ve been out two times and I enjoyed to have company for talking and some drinking, even if it was never as worse as in Zaragoza but alcohol is just too expensive here.
I was really happy that he came over and sad when he left, but at least I can look forward to next weekend, I will see Felix and Ulli again, I miss them a lot.
I dreamed of David this night, and I miss him too, I hope I can go to that america trip with Judy and see his stupid face again.
In conclusion there are a lot of awesome people I met in Zaragoza and I will hope to see them again in my life and there are a lot of persons here I really missed and I´m happy to see them again but there is a huge gap between those two lives I have/had and I miss to meet friends and spend the day with people, I miss crazy nights. I miss the long good talk I always had, especially with David. I miss Caaarl and the highly senseless conversations and Ulli getting annoyed by her two carls. I miss crazy nights in the Bullmc cabes, plata,Cucuaracha and Matteo making me drunk. I miss my two favorite blond girls and Mike. But the thing which annoyes me the most is that I´m not occupied, I mean ok I learn, but I wouldn´t say that this is pleasure.
I need to change something here or I will die out of boredom, I mean of course there will be times again when I have to do exams and practicals where I am happy just to sit on my sofa, but at the moment that is just not enough. So I try to find some people who are in for some party making. Juchuuu.... Master plan...
And I need to go to düsseldorf sooon!At least I saw Maria before I picked up Matteo, Nice!

Well I´m back in Germany since 5 weeks and I think this entry in my blog will be highly boring because I don´t know what to write but I feel I have to because I haven´t done it for a while.
I´ve been first to Rhineland Palatinate or “Die Palz”, it was good to be home I had a really good talk with my stepmother, because our relationship was a bit difficult and I think we solved a lot of things. And I think maybe I get things wrong from her because she is a bit rough in her behavior all the time but it´s not meant to be rude, it´s just the way she is. Basically I spent every morning on our balcony drinking tea and talking with her.
The best thing which happened to me in Rhineland Palatinate was the very surprising reunion with my childhood friends. I grew up more or less just with boys Ramon,Leo, Lucas and Fabi we five were hanging out all the time and sometimes there have been our brothers and sisters our cousins too. Well I came home from going out with Emma and I was looking like hell when my father told me that I had visitors; on our balcony sat Ramon, who was my best friend from childhood with his cousin Manuel. I was badly in love with Manuel when I was young but I never told him, I still have a picture of him from that time and he really does look like Nick Carter (I´m embarrassed now!) he had like really, really blond hair and the same haircut. Whatever I went straight to the shower because I hadn´t done that all day – and finally after I looked normal we started drinking in front of our house. It was so funny, I think we talked the whole evening over sex in different manners, but it was quite interesting, I mean I need to know the point of view from man! Then Ramon received a phone call and we discovered that Leo and his sister just came back from Scotland and they were sitting in Fabi´s backyard. So we went over there and everyone was there (except of Lucas) . It was hilarious, Leo was his usual totally unorganized, stoned self and we went altogether to the playground and were jumping on the trampoline and riding the cable railway! After that we went to Ramon and listened to music a bit, I finally went home at 5 o clock, and needed to drive to Hannover soon after, but it was definitely worth it! I hope I see these guys soon again.
And my father had given me my old diary, he had found it somewhere in the house. It was my diary from boarding school and it was so funny and highly embarrassing to read that! You should never let a 16 year old girl in love write a diary. Really! I was amazed by my former self first I was in love with Manuel (not the one mentioned before, that one was about 3 years later) and I liked him actually over a year, that at least tells me my diary. But still in between (we had kind of a unsteady relationship) I was dating 5 different guys, and if I wouldn´t have read about them I would have never known anymore that these persons had existed. How bad is that?
Okay I was 16 and that wasn´t anything serious at all and we just been to the cinema, but still how unsteady can you be with your emotions?
Well my arrival in Hannover was a bit strange, because I needed to organize a lot of things new and I wasn´t actually happy over the holes in the walls which were caused by Jan taking the bookshelves with him. Really I mean we could have talked. I just could have paid the bookshelves, they were cheap and from Ikea and then I wouldn´t have 25 holes in my wall.
I was happy to be in my own apartment finally alone but it was a bit strange because Jan was here all the time with me, so I felt a bit uncomfortable with that. I first slept on the couch and I still sleep on the couch better than in the sleeping room. And I still don´t get it why he is living in the Schwesternhaus because he always was nagging about it and wanted to move out, and when I went to the fire he never wanted to go and told me that he wasn´t interested in the people. Well maybe breaking up was really good for him because now he is sitting always out with the folk from the Schwesternhaus and sends me waves of hatred…
Well I have a mattress now in the sleeping room, the bed hast still to wait till I have more money.
I met a lot of my friends here in Hannover and I´ve been in the Faust dancing the whole night and to the Maschseefestival drinking Lütsche Lage which was not exactly good but I had to do it. So I try to be active in Hannover and discover more about it. And actually there is someone who wants to go with me to the Herrenhäuser Gärten and I would like to see them but I´m afraid that he mistakes our meeting as a date. I don´t know why I am so touchy about this date thing but I just don´t want to be in one. And I find the thought repulsive that someone is meeting me because he is interested in me or has the intention that something could happen without really knowing me. I know I´m the worst misanthrope ever but I don´t like men in general so much. And if they are too fast for me or touch me if I don´t like that to happen I will never see them again. I know it´s mean they doesn´t really have a chance. Well I sometimes wonder if I should just try this dating thing, but I feel really bad about the typical date. Because the man is paying and expects something from you at the end of the date.
I´m out.
Well at least there are three things I´m really happy about and look forward to it, first Matteo is coming over for three days and I never expected that but I´m really happy to see him again and I think the time will be nice. And before I pick up Matteo at the airport I will meet Maria, I haven´t seen her since January and it will be great seeing her again. I missed her a lot.
And the weekend of the 15,16 Felix, Ulli and maybe Marte are coming over to Rhineland Palatinate! So good!

Some of you may be interested in that kind of information, so enjoy!?
I was thinking and reading about climate-friendly food and I knew that products with milk are almost as bad as meat, but I was surprised by the numbers of CO2 emission especially from butter production.
And of course everyone knows that buying fruits and vegetables from other countries is really bad because of the kerosene which is used for transport but just for giving you an exact example: If you buy grapes from a different country (like south Africa, and we in Germany have grapes from south Africa very often) 4 liter of kerosene is consumed by 1(!) kg of grapes. Imported fruits and vegetables (by airplane)burden our climate 80 times more than fruits from a ship and 200 times more than fruits from our own country.
World wide emerge 30 % of the CO2 emission from food production, the harmful gases are methane, CO2 and laughing gas.
And you know I´m a fan of ecologically produced food and here these products again are better because it´s forbidden to use fertilizer with nitrogen and if you don´t use nitrogen you can evade 60% of CO2 emission.
By the way the consume of milk products cause climate damage because of the methane production of cows, I think it´s common knowledge but I just wanted to add in case and the processing from milk to cheese or butter needs a lot of energy too! And every product which is frozen burdens the environment again, of course – because the transport of these goods consumes energy in a big scale.

Now just some numbers: [CO2 emission in g/kg]
Butter : 23800
Meat(cow): 13300
Cheese: 8500
Sausage: 8000
French fries (frozen): 5700
etc
Normally I don´t eat breakfast, but I did in Spain, that´s why I never buy butter except for cakes, but maybe I should buy margarine instead. Cheese is really hard, I knew before that it was a real climate killer, but I think I should reduce my consume as well. (Cheese and fish is really hard)
But the main habit I should change is buying fruits out of season, of course not 100% but just watch out a bit for it. It´s not really necessary to buy strawberries in wintertime and our farmers sell apples cheaper anyway, maybe I have to walk around a bit more to buy them but why not?
Today I read something which really should all make us think about our doing and feel responsible: Today the first habitants of Carteret island had to flee the island because of the risen sea level, which is a result of the climate change. The sea level there is now so high that the ground water got salty and there is no drinkable water anymore, beside that there is part of the island already under water. It became clear in the first WORLD OCEAN conference that this won´t be an individual case, the rising sea level is threatening 150 million of humans.
The oceans absorb every day (!!) 22 Millions of CO2 and 20 % of all coral riffs are dead already because the CO2 makes the seas more acid and warmer, scientists believe that all coral riffs will be dead in 100 years (Great times!) Of course it´s a problem for the fish too, but I ranted already about that in my last two “Ranting posts”.
The regions which are most threatened by rising sea levels are: Miami, New Orleans, Maldives , Mikronesien , Philippines and a lot more but I don´t want to look up all the English names because I´m lazy.
Well I get everyday more frightened if I´m reading the news and I think they are worse than every horror movie, don´t know how you are feeling about that.

Now I´m back in Germany it´s really strange, I feel really out of place when I´m in a store and I can just talk without thinking and the dialect from Rhineland Palatinate goes on my nerves a lot because it sounds so stupid!
But Germany is so green and I really enjoy being out at the moment and having a normal live feels so good too! I got up everyday between six and eight and went running with Emma. After that I talk to my little brothers a bit and read. Today I was hiking with my mom and got totally lost, we spent four hours in the forest which isn´t a bad thing. I made nice pictures.
I bought myself two magazines today, one P.M (I like P.M) and I new magazine I never read before which is only about our climate and how to reduce CO2 emission while travelling, what kind of food you should evade etc , I will read it tomorrow but it looks good.
I just read an article in the P.M about New Monogamy which I think is really strange, it´s kind of a new idea to make relationships last for a long time. And it´s partly based on a book which is called “The ethical slut”. The main thesis from New Monogamy is that after a couple of years one of the partners will cheat anyway so it is better if cheating is allowed in a relationship under certain conditions, these conditions can vary from relationship to relationship.
The purpose of this whole thing should be that you won´t cause damage to the feelings of your partner and you won´t dishonor him.
There are 6 types of permitted cheating (even if you can vary them) and I want to list them here:
The waist- monogamy: The torso can cheat, but your not allowed to do anything with the part down from your belt
The Clinton-Monogamy: You can have Oralsex with other persons
The Vampire Rule: If both partner live in the same city they have to be at home before dawn
The postcard Rule:If someone has a date he has to bring a picture of that person home
The latex rule: Sex with others only with condom
The 50km rule: You can just have a fling with someone who lives away more than 50km

Well, I think that is CRAP! Come on, first of all you should never have sex without condom, if you haven´t seen an HIV test, than I would be hurt if my boyfriend cheats even if I knew about it! And what is this crap with the postcard rule, I wouldn´t like to see that bitch.
I think if it happens that someone cheats he has to be honest and try to reestablish the trust he broke, but I think you can´t really love a person and live with him/her in a relationship without wanting to be the only one in bed. I know for sure I don´t want to share not at all and the same goes for me, if I´m in love I don´t have the slightest interest to be touched by someone else. Ok if your relationship is long it may happen that you think someone is attractive but there is still something between thinking and doing.
In conclusion I think this is bullshit, if you don´t love your partner anymore and you want to have sex with someone else then go and do it, but I still believe in romantical love, what means for me, if you really love someone you don´t even want to cheat on him! Basta!

Ahh and some pics from the hiking:

In my last three weeks in Zaragoza happened so much that I hadn´t time to write about it, the other problem was that there was constantly someone staying at my house so I didn´t want to just sit down and take my time for writing down everything.
I started a new Spanish course and it was really difficult for me, because I came in the avanzado level and I think that was maybe a bit too much for my little brain, first of all our group just consisted out of Germans and Italians , the Italians were so good in talking and everything that I considered not talking at all, but sometimes I did. On the second day it became clear that we got Antonia as a grammar teacher, I wanted to hang myself! She talks so fast and she didn´t wanted us to take notes and she just explained tenses in about 5 minutes. I think it was due to the Italians because they heard the whole crap before but for us Germans it was the first time. But in the end it wasn´t too bad because I needed to study at home for preparing my homework and everything and I think I learned a lot. The Italians were a nice bunch of people too, I didn´t really know Italians before and I imagined them a bit different, maybe more old fashioned. I know I have stupid prejudices, but I´m always ready to erase them!
On the weekend we went to Tarragona. Ulli, Felix and me to pick up my friend Anna from the airport, afterwards we spent one night at a camping side at the sea, it was really nice there. Our camping spot was right in front of the sea and the first thing we did was buying a really awful 5 Liter Sangria and some beer, but we drank them anyway (of course) . Felix and me went for some serious shopping and bought food for about ten persons, after we had all our supplies we went to the sea and sat around there for hours. I really appreciated that Anna was there, it was so nice to see one of my friends again!
Basically we spent the evening with playing in the water like children, eating a lot of stuff and then started to drink while Felix played the guitar! Anna fell asleep at about one o clock and Ulli, me and Felix walked again to the beach, in our bag was a bottle of rum and a coke. We watched some guys undress and going in the sea naked and of course there were some Spanish girls stealing all of their clothes (surprise, surprise) and Ulli and me cracked ourselves up about nothing at all, like waving in front of the stars… Felix was already half asleep. I have to quote here two of my favorite statements from this evening, but they are in German.
Ulli: “Felix nimmst du deine Hose mit?” –„Ja, die ist schon offen“
Ich:“ Ulli, wieso ist Felix nicht so betrunken wie wir?“ „Weil er nicht so viel getrunken hat“ und dann brach sie lachend auf dem Boden zusammen.
Ja vielleicht ist das nur Situationskomik aber ich möchte es trotzdem aufschreiben um es nicht zu vergessen!
The next day we went back to Zaragoza were we had two cosy nights with three persons in one really hot room, Felix and Anna stayed over. Of course we made some Tapas-Bar hopping and went out to different places. Actually I can´t remember were we have been, not because I was to drunk but because it´s too long ago, I just remember being in the Plata for a short period of time.
On the weekend we started travelling again and drove over to Bilbao, we spent one night there (again camping!) it was really cool, because the Atlantik is way cooler! We had really high waves and a strong current, we always jumped into the high waves and got washed away, it was really fun! At the evening we made a BBQ with everything you can imagine it was great! And I think we had the worst wine you can imagine too, Ulli and me drank a bit out of pity, but it was really not good! The next day we´ve been to the city and saw the Guggenheim museum and other stuff. At midday Anna and me drove with the Bus to San Sebastian (we almost missed to get off the bus) and Ulli and Felix drove to Galicia.
San Sebastian was really great, I loved it! Jesus is looking over the whole city and it fits in the atmosphere of this city, it has a nice beach Playa de la conchae and the streets are beautiful. Next to the city is Monte Urgell and you can go up there and look over the sea, the whole city and see some ancient ruins, it was really amazing and we even met the English guys up there, what a coincidence! We had a really nice room two, we just paid 25 Euro each for a night! At the evening we did some more Tapas Bar Hopping and went to the beach to see the sun go down, it was soo romantic, but Anna didn´t want to cuddle …
Back in Zaragoza we got a message from Ulli and Felix that the car was broken and they would come home earlier.
Anna and me spent her last evening at Mikes place and afterwards walking though the park.
Thanks Anna for visiting me, it was so nice!
The rest of the week I spent more or less with Matteo, who was one of the Italian guys in my language course, on Tuesday we went out with some other guys from the course to have a Döner or a Falafel but Matteo and me ended up drinking wine in the parque grande, discussing over religion and other stuff, on this point I want to mention that David cursed me, since I met him I had to talk over religion a lot!
And on Thursday the Italian Gigolo tried to cook for me, we wanted to make strawberry risotto, because he told me that he can do that and I thought this sounds so weird that I want to taste it! But unfortunately we didn´t find strawberries so we made Tortilla de patata and some kind of stuffed bags with spinach and cheese, it was good beside that Matteo forgot to add salt or pepper. I still want to try the strawberry risotto, I wonder if I find a recipe in the net – yeah just found one…
I think it was on Friday that we cooked altogether for the last time, altogether is a bit of an exaggeration because we were just the one still leftover: Ulli, Felix, Mike, Rohan, me and Matteo
We made Gazpacho, a pumpkin risotto and some pancakes, I still can´t remember if the pancakes were good. Afterwards we went to our last botellon in the parquet grande!
My father should arrive the following day and so I spent the day at home in bed waiting for him, which was really nice.
Of course I went tapas bar hopping with my father, together with Felix, Ulli, Vlora, Mike, Javier and the English folk we went to bed early because my father needed some rest. The following day we did the usual sightseeing tour and went for dinner to the Azoque, which was great Ulli joined us and we had a lot of great stuff! Because we spent so much money the waiter gave us two bottles of schnaps and we should drink as much as we liked, at that moment Matteo appeared, maybe he can smell Chupitos from afar since I knew him my chupito consume climbed a lot. Well we helped ourselves with the schnaps and went to the Bullmc cabes for some calimocho, Javier joined us there. After that we´ve been to the zorro drinking, Baileys, Jägermeister and Beer and the old men was drinking with us till 4 o´clock! I assumed I could send him home in a cab at 1o´clock but no! He was drinking like he was used to it! Whatever I sent him home with a cab and stayed around with Matteo.
The next day my father and me set off together to Barcelona, it was quite nice, but I´m too tired to write over it now!

After I spend my morning with watching a really interesting movie, I have to rant again. You should watch it too, it takes 1 ½ hour but it is interesting, even when the beginning is a bit boring.
http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=90672007097&h=RkkcL&u=Dq6dD&ref=nf

It always makes me so angry to see all that stuff, I know that there are a huge amount of people who keep telling me that they don´t care and they live like the German saying: After me the Flood (or who cares when I´m gone) but actually you can´t say that anymore because the effects of global warming, pollution and resource shortness will affect this generation already. I´m totally aware that I´m part of the problem and that my behavior causes great damage to the world we are living in, and I really would like to stop, but what to do? The problem is that we can´t give the fault to anyone, we can´t blame the workers in the amazons for chopping down the rainforest, because they just want to survive and feed their families. If my family would starve I would do anything as a work to save them. We can´t blame the employees for wanting to make money and survive, every human being just wants to be alive. Rather we should blame ourselves for being the consumers of the products, if we request them they will be produced of course. We live in an industry nation and we should be more aware of the problem because we are educated. With knowledge should come responsibility.

It really frustrates me that my attempts to change my behavior seem so fruitless in the whole network of pollution, unfair treatment and global warming. Still I would like to change more but I´m not able to. I don´t eat meat or fish, so basically that is good, because I believe we could feed more people if all the grain for feeding our animals would go directly to the people who are in need.
But after watching the movie I had the strong urge to just have my own little garden and working with my hands for my own food, but I can´t afford to buy a garden, I would like to buy always fair trade clothes and food, but I don´t have the money to afford it.
I had to go after I saw the documentary directly to Eroski, the supermarket here because I hadn´t anything to eat anymore. It frustrated me like hell that I had to go there and support with my money again what made me angry 10 minutes ago. I have never seen a Bio-supermarket in Zaragoza otherwise I would have gone there.

But the problem is what should you do and what can you do? As I watched the pictures of enormous food farms run by machines I had the feeling that this was so wrong, food shouldn´t be produced like this, landscape shouldn´t be destroyed for building such unnatural farms. I wished we all could go back to the point of self supply. I wished I could but I can´t I thought about it, I can´t afford to buy land that is the first point and then we all lack totally the knowledge to do so. Our ancestor had it for generations, they knew when to plant, what kind of plant will grow in which soil and how you survive even if you can´t harvest in wintertime. If I had a garden I would be able to plant tomatoes, strawberries, pumpkins, salad and zucchini, I did that before. But how I would plant it that I could live from it a long time, how I would store it and how I get the seeds from my plants for the next season? It´s strange that we lost what was common knowledge just a few years ago and that almost no one of us would be able to survive by himself. I mean honestly I made Abitur and I studied for 4 years now and still I would not survive on a little Island I think. I couldn´t make my own clothes out of wool, I would not be able to tell if the water is really drinkable and many other things, because I depended all of my life on food/ clothes from supermarkets. I depended on electricity coming out of my power point.

And to referring to the question what can we do? I sometimes have the feeling that we are all caught up so much in this lifestyle that it is sometimes impossible to escape.I would like to travel and see the world, but that would mean flying or driving and both causes pollution again. I´m a bit of a pussy and I always have cold feet that is why I turn the heating on in winter and you can´t even say I just go back to the roots and take wood, because we are short of trees. I hope you don´t get me wrong I don´t want to say we should stop, traveling, eating, heating and everything, it´s just that I feel sometimes helpless because there seems to be no way to be alive and not causing constant damage
The water supply is another topic, in Zaragoza they are cleaning the streets with water, I mean the streets! I think it was last year that Spain suffered from a really dry summer and they had problems with the water supply. That problem already arrived in Spain, nevertheless no one seems to worry that a lot of drinkable water is just used for making Spanish streets clean. And a lot of people have pools here too, I understand that it is really nice to have one in such a hot country, but still can´t we maybe just go to the outdoor swimming pool instead of having all our own pools and save some water? I think we can´t stop it anymore that the polar cap is melting and that the sea level will rise but what will we learn out of it? I´m afraid that the huge majority won´t learn out of it and just move with their cars to another place and continue like they did before and the poor people who can´t afford it will have the ass card.
Since I became vegetarian I heard a lot of strange statements, if I explain it that I´m vegetarian because I think meat production is linked to too many disadvantages for our planet, poor people and that it is not efficient, I often get stupid answers.
Mostly it is something like: “I don´t care for other people and animals are just too tasty”.
Our it is: “ You won´t change anything with your renunciation, that won´t change the world”. And they are right, I won´t change the world but if a lot of people become aware of the problems and try to solve them we will change something.
The most common statement I get from my friends is: “I think you are right and it´s a good thing, but I couldn´t do it, because I like meat too much”. Actually I like meat too and fish, fish tastes great, still I believe that if you are aware of a problem you should take the consequences. I don´t want to tell anyone to become a vegetarian but why not just say “Okay I will just reduce my consume of fish because I know that the seas are empty or I will just eat meat twice in a week because I know that meat production is connected to a lot of unpleasant things.”
If I would have the money, I would start buying only local food, grow my own food and wear fair trade clothes, but no one has to go that far and it is not necessary that everyone feels that way, nevertheless if everyone just would change his behavior of consume (water, food, energy) just a bit, we would actually be able to stop this whole progress.
I know that I will try at least to continue with making my own little sacrifices for the benefit of our planet and I hope that maybe everyone can find things in his life where he can make cuts for the benefit of our planet and mankind.